Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Food Critic Numero Uno

I’d like to think my skills as a food critic began way back in my college days. Perhaps, Teresa would be willing to share and verify this memory.

I don’t like to brag, but I am almost positive I was solely responsible for Rick, the dining hall manager, removing all comment cards from the premises.

I didn’t want to shut down the only place to eat on campus, I just wanted change. I wanted my newly found “voice” to be heard.

You must agree there is something inherently wrong with ham that is served in a tray whilst submerged under a watery liquid. And wouldn’t you say that pimento’s sprinkled in every vegetable for “presentation” is a bit much.

My ability to critique food has only improved as time has gone by.

Which brings me to my most recent restaurant critique.

Imagine the excitement and palpitations I experienced as I saw the Greek flag flying outside a newly renovated restaurant that is less than 2 miles from my house.

I watched and waited….and this weekend the sign went up. NOW OPEN!

And tonight was the night…..the night I realized I am a Greek food snob.

If there is such a thing. I feel certain there is and I am.

The food was just all right with me. The portions were VERY small for the price they charged. I had to send my lamb back because when I cut into it the meat it actually baa’d. Really.

The menu selections were quite limited.

The kids menu, nonexistent. Although, they did charge kids entrees half price. But when the entree is almost $20 that a kids meal for $10!! Which is too much $$$$.

I’m not sure a mason jars over wall sconces are an official Greek accent. Might I suggest a few more white Corinthian columns spattered throughout. Or perhaps a few white statues in togas and definitely some Greek music playing just to help out with the ambiance.

Now for a few tips, you know, in case the owners happen to read my blog because they searched google for authentic Greek restaurant tips.

(Dad, you may want to look away now, because you may find all this shocking).

Contrary to popular opinion, Greek folks do not eat buttered Texas Toast spattered with oregano all over it as an appetizer.

Also, we do not traditionally eat Tsatsiki – the yogurt cucumber dip- on EVERY thing that comes to the table, especially spanikopita. It’s just wrong.

As best I know, HUMMUS is not a Greek dish, although I do love it. And when you serve it as a side dish, you need something for it to be spread on. And not the afore mentioned Greek style Texas Toast.

Last but not least, a “Greek pastry variety plate” for $3.99 should have more than 4 thumb sized pastries on your ginourmous green melamine plate. It should include baklava stacked in the shape of a the acropolis! Just my opinion.

MUCH to my dismay, I got a two for one trip tonight to our new “Greek” restaurant….my first trip and my last trip.

Mr. GRITS is willing to give it one more try. I’m out. With this Greek girl, you only get one shot to wow me.

I give the place 6 months.

And I’d be willing to bet this restaurant is not owned by anybody with a name ending in –opoulos or any other vowel filled name.

This Greek food critic is over and out. OPA!


Well Behaved Krissy said...

Why did I feel like the food critic from Ratatouille was writing this?? Are you SURE you're not him... haha

Leigh said...

Ouch! I hope they do read your blog for some great tips. HUmmus with texas toast? Eww. I dont know where that is from but gross.
I love tsazi, but...on everything, not so much. DId they have pita's? I LOVE greek food.....gald I got your opinion on this place so I can stay away.

Shannon (muzbeecrazy.com) said...

What a bummer! My hubby went to our church the other night and learned how to make spanakopita. He was the only guy there among lots of ladies but it was absolutely delicious! I love when little old Greek ladies share recipes with us!! Maybe they should stop by that restaurant and share some with the chef!

Nik said...

Oh no! It's awful when youg et all geeked (or in your case, greeked) about going to a new restaurant and it's a total disappointment.

Good luck in finding another place MUCH better.

P.S.He loves you.. said...

it is what you say it is cause I'm no greek goddess..(wink) although I will add that no the humus is not a greek tradition..it's more a jewish background ( bitter herbs and gound nuts).

littletoesandcheerios said...

I understand where you are coming from on this. I love the part about mason jars!!! Why don't these places fix the food as if they we going to eat it themselves?!
And I can't stand it when they serve something we can easily fix and home like texas toast...and with hummus!
Thanks for sharing this.

Peggy said...

Having enjoyed some laughs and "Amen Sister" during our college days from your comment cards I have to admit you could be a judge on Iron Chef America or perhaps Top Chef. Too bad about the pseudo-Greek place. I'll run over to Nabeel's in Homewood and grab some spanakopita and other goodies in your honor. :-)

Leslie said...

Hummus and toast? What? Melamine plates at a pricey restaurant? Ugh.

Always wait a while before visiting a new restaurant. It's a good idea to give them time to get all the kinks worked out. Bad food, however, is not a kink.

The Source said...

Ba ha ha ha! Hummus and mason jars? Too funny. The only Greek restaurant we USED to have in town served spaghetti as their big deal.

Valarie Lea said...

Ya know the other day I was at a craft festival in Bell Buckle TN and I got a (please do not hate me because I don't know the name) greek flat bread thing with some kind of chicken and that sauce stuff. Anyway I thought of you. I said to myself, self "Tammy would not approve of this." Even though Mister vendor man looked and sounded greek enough, although he was looking at me a little strange. He had one eye that went one way and one that went another.

Kirby3131 said...

Growing up in Michigan where there is one excellent Greek restaurant after another, I was horrified when I moved to Florida that getting a spanikopita that tastes good (just good) is rare.

I'm with you, I'd never go back.

Scott said...

On Spanikopita?
That's just crazy!